mental wellness

The Accidental Blog Post

I had no intention of blogging today. Actually, that’s not entirely true. Every day I wake up with the intention of blogging the million ideas in my head. I just never seem to be able to sit still long enough to do it.

Quarantine is a funny thing. I’m restlessly bored. I can’t sit still long enough to binge watch a TV show, or read a book. I have to keep my hands busy, too. I need hands-on projects to occupy my time. I’ve been playing music, crocheting, and baking mostly.

My next major project is going to be bread. Which is apparently the same thing everyone else on the planet is doing because King Arthur’s Unbleached Bread Flour is sold out everywhere I tell you. Everywhere. I am going to make it work though. I’ve got nothing but time here in the four walls of this house and when I put my mind to something I’m nothing if not thorough. I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read and how many YouTube videos I’ve watched on making sourdough bread. From starting your starter, to preheating the oven. It does sort of seem like one of those things that can really just start well and go downhill very quickly though. I’m hoping for the best.

Having a project to focus on just keeps me from getting too anxious. When I’m not researching bread I’m working on the largest crochet project I’ve ever started. I didn’t intend for it to become my largest project to date, but that’s just what it evolved into. At mimimum it should take me a month to finish… if I work on it every single freaking day.

To be honest, I’m filled with anxiety. The uncertainty and the fact that there’s not yet a light at the end of this Covid-19 tunnel really wears me down. I’m someone who gets anxious watching a movie and Googles the end of the plot so that I don’t have anxiety watching the end of the story play out. I like knowing what’s going to happen and I can’t Google the end of this situation. I just want to know when I can go browse Target at my leisure again and no one can tell me.

My days aren’t bad. They just are. Today is a bit of an exception though because of two very important things. Today is my mom’s birthday. Bless her heart that she has to deal with this birthday during quarantine. I am thankful beyond words for my mama and that I can be here with her to help her with anything she needs right now. I just feel bad that we don’t let her leave the house. Safety first, though.

Today is also my 450th day without alcohol. That’s second to Mom’s birthday, but well worth noting. I’m proud of myself, especially considering if any situation would make you want to drink it’s the one we’re in.

I want to thank every essential employee still doing the dang thing out there and risking their health for us. ALL OF YOU. The rest of you please stay home when you can and practice social distancing to the fullest. We can beat this thing.

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