mental wellness

Pharmacies and Falling Back.

Medication is a way of life for me. I take three in the morning, one in the afternoon, and two at night. Don’t get me wrong, I take them because they keep me balanced, but it’s a constant reminder every time my alarm goes off that I’m stuck with this illness. But that’s just the way it is.

This morning I took a trip to the pharmacy and between my doctor’s office and the pharmacy my prescriptions are never right. It’s the right dosage in generic version when I need the name brand version. Then when I get the name brand version it’s the wrong dosage. *sigh* I literally just said, “Whatever, I’ll take it.” Sometimes I don’t have the fight in me.

There are a lot of times that I don’t want to take them. It isn’t because I’m against them or anything, but sometimes I’m rushing out the door and it’s easy to forget that one thing, regardless of my alarm blaring. They keep my mood fairly normal but they also mess with my sleep patterns. Anxiety medication is great when you have anxiety and all, but I am so groggy the next day no matter how early in the day I take it. ADHD medication is great when you cannot focus to save your life, but it makes sleeping difficult, and if I for some reason miss my early morning window to take it, that’s it. I can’t take it. It’s too activating and I won’t sleep a wink that night. So either I can’t sleep all night, or I’m groggy. Basically I am always tired.

I read somewhere that Bipolar Disorder is almost considered a sleep disorder. Not enough sleep and I risk being hypomanic. Too much sleep and I risk depression. Just the right amount of sleep and… just kidding. That isn’t a real thing for me.

I am going to stop complaining though because it’s a gorgeous day. It’s 68 degrees, sunny, and the perfect day to have the windows open. We don’t get a lot of days like this in Houston, TX. They are a rare luxury. Not to mention it’s a Sunday and I am not working. My work schedule runs Wednesday through Sunday most of the year so I don’t get a lot of traditional weekends. Let me tell you – it’s a nice treat and I don’t take it for granted. I even took a little time for some Self-Care Sunday activities, including, journaling, reading my scripture, and some skin care. And it’s not even 4:00 PM. Time changed overnight and that one hour really messes with you. It has felt like the longest day ever, but it’s fine. I’m savoring it. As I said before days like this are a rare treat.

Overall I’m having a pretty even day as far as my mood. I am slightly below the “normal” line… a little blue, but not depressed. I’ll take it. It’s better than being hypomanic and a heck of a lot better than being depressed. I know that being tired, and throwing out my neck (fun, right?) is contributing.

You know, that’s something a lot of people don’t know about – pain. A lot of mental illness is accompanied by physical pain. *Insert something scientific about inflammation*. I’ve struggled to get to my martial arts training due to my shoulder lately and it doesn’t help the situation. Moving helps, but moving hurts. Seems like that could apply to a lot of things.

It’s not a great day, but it’s a good day. It’s definitely not a bad day.

To wrap things up I’ll simply say thank you to anyone who got this far on my lazy sunday blog post about nothing. You’re a gem.

Have a great week. Xoxo.

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