mental wellness

Gripping Sand

I tend to smother sometimes without even knowing it. In hindsight my obsessive thoughts tell me that I did it, but in the moment I don’t realize it, nor is it ever my intent. I’ve always told myself that it is sort of like holding sand in the palm of your hand. You can squeeze sand but it’s simply going to slip through your fingers.

Another thing I’ve learned firsthand in the past couple of years is that you can’t make someone love you who doesn’t, and you can’t make someone who isn’t ready for something be ready. Ironically most of us aren’t ready for the things we experience. We just sort of dive in and hope we swim. It can be overwhelming. I never want to make anyone feel like they are drowning.

This blog could easily become a sob story of all the ways I’ve failed where these issues are concerned, but that would be pointless. This isn’t about me. Not really. This blog is a message to others – That I will always have love to give even if it has to be from afar; That I will always give you what you ask even if it isn’t me because that’s what you do for someone you love; that I love you enough to let you go if that is what is going to give you happiness and peace. Unconditional love isn’t about what we get. It’s about what we give out to the universe and the wonderful people who occupy it. Don’t give love just the way you want to, give love the way the other person needs it.

Well… my left ear is ringing… someone is talking bad about me or something…? Whatever, I don’t care. I may feel different in a day or two, but at the moment I am at peace waiting for whatever it is the future holds. I can breathe. I am calm. There is part of me that wants to write down all the things I’m feeling that I didn’t get to say earlier, and send my message along, but that would be counter-productive. It doesn’t matter anyway. What matters to me is that the love I give is what the person I love needs. Whether it be as a friend, a lover, or a stranger.

Just a reminder: My love doesn’t end. It is unconditional. It goes on and on. It lasts forever.

It’s the only way I know how.

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