Monday, Monday

I am exhausted. This happens every single Monday. My schedule is atypical and Monday is usually sort of my Friday. While everyone else is refreshed and ready to go my body does not want to function. I do my best to get plenty of sleep on Sunday nights and I actually did last night, but Monday won and slapped me across the face. Due to the type of illness I have adequate rest is of the utmost importance.

This past weekend I started doing physical activity again. I have been stagnant for a couple of months and there has been a notable difference in my moods. Exercise is probably one of the things in my life that has kept me stable. When I was lifting heavy weights and running consistently I was at my best – minimal anger and no episodes. Why I have not been more consistent is a mystery to me. I haven’t dug that deep yet, but overall consistency is something I struggle with.

I now realize that part of the anger I have been experiencing is rooted at myself for not staying with a healthier lifestyle. So, I’ve made a promise to myself. I will not overwhelm myself with too much at once and I will love myself at no matter where I am on my journey. Self love is so important. If you don’t believe you are worth a better life you will never try to achieve it. So I’ve decided to make a list of goals for the week.

My goals for this week:
1. Train at least three times
2. Go to my support group
3. Solidify my one-on-one therapy appointment

The first two are a piece of cake (kind of), but for some reason I have a mental block on number three. I think it is because I am going to get called out on some of my shit and I would rather avoid that. Unfortunately that is not how life works. Besides, one-on-one therapy has been a huge blessing in my life. I know that it is going to benefit my life, but it still scares me. There is a saying, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” I will just have to embrace my fear. It can only help me grow as a person.

…Ok, I completely put this post on hold to start my appointment making process. I don’t want to be all talk and no action. Also, tonight I go to training.

Alright, my friends. Here I go, off into the world… slapping Monday back.