mental wellness

The Most Beautiful Girl In the World

I did not wake up in the best head space this morning. I woke up with a headache, a huge kink in my neck, and the complete inability to peel myself up off my sheets. I don’t know what it is lately… sometimes I’m up with the sun and other days I cannot make myself get out of bed. I meant to get to work a bit earlier, but I need a bit of time to gather myself before I head out. Besides – I need my coffee.

When I finally made it downstairs I took my medicine, but was so distracted and scattered that I almost put two coffee filters in the coffee pot and tried putting the coffee creamer away in the cupboard. I know that I’ll feel better once my medicine kicks in and this coffee hits my bloodstream.

For some reason I feel kind of sad. I am filled with missing. I’m missing a lot of people today, some of whom I will never see in this life again, one of whom I have yet to physically see in this life. I’m having a bit of a cry about it if I can be completely honest.

Sometimes I live in fear as if I don’t know why good things find me because I feel like everything I touch turns to ash. It’s like I don’t think I deserve wonderful things. When I’ve let people who are no longer in my life make me feel that way I believed them. So now, when someone tells me the opposite I have a hard time believing it. I constantly have to remind myself that I am worth good and happy things in this life. I am a work in progress.

For so long I’ve seen myself as a self-sabotaging “ruiner” of all things good. I am so worried that I will lose the things and people I love. It makes life difficult because it fills me with a never-ending anxiety.

I do believe that the inability of my brain to function correctly has contributed to my lack of believing that I am worth anything.

With all of that said, I am going to do my best to be much kinder to myself today, and tomorrow, and the next day.

Day by day.

**I’d also like to add that today is 80 days teetotal. That makes me feel really good about myself.**

1 thought on “The Most Beautiful Girl In the World”

  1. You’re a beautiful woman inside and out. Your blogs will not only help you out but help others that feel misunderstood. Hang in there Weezie, God’s not finished with his master piece which is… You!!!! ❤️ you…

    Liked by 1 person

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